Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Things That I Like That I Didn't Know I Like

I doubt that I am alone dreading the many ways that I have become my mother. However, as I get older, I realize it's not such a bad thing. With the exception of passing on the Rodriguez women's curse, i.e., batshit crazy moodiness (the end result being that my medicine cabinet looks like a pharmacy. I would be depressed about it but thankfully I have a pill for that.) my other shared traits have been smooth sailing.

One of the more pronounced similarities is our shared rage for slow people. Slow as in slow moving, not as in dumb. There is nothing that irritates me more than people who walk in front of you at a snail's pace, blocking any hope you have of passing them. Oddly, my rage is contained to walking only and rarely comes out during driving. Like me, my mom reacts the same way - internal and near combustible rage.

To look at us, one wouldn't suspect that we are fast. Both hovering somewhere around 5'4" ish, we are not tall people. Yet, perhaps we have both been cursed by our predelection towards tall men lacking awareness at the double strides we have to use to keep up with their leisurely ones.

Despite our shortness, we want to move people! Slow walkers are one of the primary reasons that I avoid malls and amusement parks. Grocery stores cause me heart palpitations as well. It takes a lot of self control to not scream that they "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!"

I run because it calms me. However, my rage towards slow walkers is only intensified when I am on the trail. Although I hate slow walkers, I admit that I am a slow runner. In my defense, I adhere to proper etiquette - slow people to the right on a two way trail (to the left on a track if you are going counter-clockwise). So if a fast runner is coming up behind me, I move closer to the right so they can happily pass without breaking stride. SLOW WALKERS on the other hand tend to hover somewhere around the center yet take up so much space that you can't pass to the right either.

I hate them! There is nothing worse than breaking your pace. SLOW WALKERS of course don't get this at all because slow doesn't have a pace that is worth maintaining.

In short, I hate slow walkers. I think it may result from anxiety about not being in control of my surroundings. It sort of feels like claustrophobia only with big wide spaces that have been unfortunately bifurcated by slowness. I don't like to feel caged in. My heighthened fight or flight response may be the cause. You see, my only hope is going to be flight as I am no fighter. (Although is words were punches I could lay off the slow walker hate.) This is all of course probably yet another manifestation of the Rodriguez Women's curse. We have created a fine pairing of anxiety and control into one single stream of crazy. I accept it yet I hate that I can't push people out of the way.

Unrelated to slow walkers - did you know that I like hemp protein? I didn't know it until last night! My smoothie was delightfully free of grainy chunks and tasted like an unadulterated smoothie the way it was intended to be. So thank you helpful smoothie ladies at Castle Hill!

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